Anger

Are you feeling a little extra irritated lately? Frustrated? Infuriated? Full of INCANDESCENT RAGE???

You know the cliche. The angry midlife woman who loses her mind over “nothing” at home or in the middle of aisle L56 at Target (but really, what is that numbering system?). Not a Karen – those come in all ages, unfortunately – but Ye Olde Battle Axe irrationally ripping everyone’s head off.

Like many cliches, there is some truth. We do have many reasons to be pissed off at this stage of life. Shall we take a stroll down the Yellow Brick Road of Justifiable Homicide? Yes, Dorothy, thanks, we’d love to.

As always, first we gotta shout out the hormones. Mood swings and stronger-than-average reactions can be a result of fluctuations. That’s chemistry… but it’s only one possible reason. Estrogen is a mood and stress regulator, buffering our reactions. Once it starts fading away, the real sources of our anger are revealed. Let’s have a peek.

It could be the accumulation of years – maybe decades – of putting up with shit. Absolutely nothing to do with hormones, absolutely everything to do with the 1,000th time we got interrupted by Kyle from Accounting or had to remind someone that Tuesday is trash night.

We’re also in an era of major stress and regrets. Milestones with parents and kids, stagnation at work, high school and college reunions triggering comparison anxiety, losing friends way too early. A lot of reasons to be jangled and in our feelings.

Here’s a big picture factor that might resonate, too: symbolic violence. What in the Intro Philosophy class is that, you ask? It’s the emotional injury every time you’re ignored, treated as invisible, made to feel insignificant. Whether it’s an eyeroll or a “yeah, sure, lady”, there is a real toll to being made to feel lesser than – and it’s happening a lot more as we age.

And finally, news update: the world is freakin’ terrible in every possible category. Don’t underestimate existential dread. Being a little on edge is a completely normal reaction to chaos and destruction.

Men are allowed – even encouraged – to express their anger and frustration. On the other hand, people born with uteruses are socialized to suppress these so-called negative emotions so we get good at burying or transferring them. Until we just can’t do it anymore and we’re screaming at people for chewing too loud.

Shameless Action

If you notice your anger is on a cycle, like PMS rage, then it is what it is. Allow it to come and go like the tides and don’t apologize. Don’t let anyone dismiss the causes of your anger just because they’re not used to you expressing it.

Of course, protecting your sleep, eating well, exercising – these things make us feel less like attacking the self-checkout with a machete so try to do those.

Not saying you do this, but we have been known to let frustration and resentment build up, trying not to “overreact” and then a teeny tiny toothpick breaks the camel’s back. We kept chill through the twenty-eight times people asked “where is my”, stepped over the socks by the front door (AGAIN), calmly denied the accusations that we took an important piece of paper and then when someone said, “ugh, chicken for dinner?” we lit up like a nuclear explosion.

If this is happening, may we humbly suggest new boundaries. You are not Google. People can keep track of their own belongings. Don’t modify dinners or meetings or anything only to suit others’ preferences. Death by a thousand cuts is real. Don’t give out knives.

And if you haven’t joined the We Do Not Care Club, do so IMMEDIATELY. It’s cathartic with a capital FU.

Next time: We don’t have to put up with pain