When your sense of self is as mysterious as the leftovers in the back of the fridge
Talking about identity is like trying to nail Jell-O to a wall. Grab a hammer
Good morning! Welcome to your midlife crisis! No, no, the red Ferrari isn’t for you, it’s for that bald dude over there. Instead, you get perimenopause. Here are 37 forms to fill out. Did you bring your ID? What’s that? You don’t know who you are? That’s fine, we don’t care as long as you keep buying wrinkle cream!
Besides the physical symptoms of perimenopause, this is a heavy time of reassessment. Milestones like big birthdays, teens going off to college, parents declining – all remind us that time is flying by and we should take stock of who we are.
But who the frack are we?? When you look at your roles (at work, home, community), do they align with who you think you are? Does pushing back feel scary, even if you don’t like these roles any more? You’ve been changing – your body can attest to that. It might be time for you to reassess.
Maybe the roles were rewarding at the beginning, but you’ve grown and evolved since then.
Maybe you’ve been wearing a mask (usually “happy to help” or “easy-going”) because society rewarded you for it. But people pleasing is toxic. The most popular version of you is almost certainly not the real you.
Maybe you thought some roles or sacrifices were just temporary but now everyone expects you to stay in that lane forever, which feels claustrophobic and unfair.
Maybe you’ve noticed that the world is treating you differently. And by differently, we mean the world doesn’t give a crap. You’re interrupted more at work, ignored at the deli counter, forgotten by the waiter. Visibility in society is (creepily) tied to fertility and that ship has sailed.
Maybe doing nothing is very seductive. A dip in self-confidence makes us avoid change. Or, at the other end of the spectrum, using the power you have (in your family, at work) might rock the boat so much it’d capsize the whole dang thing.
We know how to adapt but often we put ourselves last when we calculate that equation. How can we make sure we come out the other side of this era of change healthier and happier?
Shameless Action
Reminder: society benefits when we don’t know who we are. The patriarchy wants us to stay home, not complain, put everyone else first. The medical community resists spending time and money studying peri/menopause. The global economy relies on our unpaid labor and insecurities.
Don’t worry, we’re not going to ask you to slay those dragons. Well, not all by yourself. (More on this next week.) So what’s the pivot??
Since we already have hormone fluctuations, skin issues, and mood swings, embrace the puberty vibes. Teens are excited about a new phase of life. Remind yourself that there are still new experiences to be had and a whole lotta life in us. Scary? Yup, but not scarier than everything staying the same FOREVER.
Kids in puberty also think they’re the center of the universe, that their feelings are So Freaking Important. Embrace that energy, too. That includes eye rolling everyone else’s drama. Dispense a whole lotta “not my emergency”.
Does all this sound selfish? A little pushy? Good. Things are changing whether we like it or not. Make choices that move things in a direction YOU want. It takes courage and imagination but we know you got those. What does a good life look like for you? In the next month, in the next year? What small thing can you do today to turn your life in that direction?
Next time: Are we saying you should burn the house down? Noooo… unless it needs burning